Monday, October 12, 2015

The Five Day Countdown!

HOLY CRAP Y'ALL!  We are at five days and counting, four if you don't count today!

My anticipation grows as quickly as my anxiety.  One moment I'm calm and prepared, the next I'm a whirlwind of emotion.  What if...what if...what if...oh the WHAT IF'S!

What if I don't like Dr. Mark?

What if he doesn't like me?

What if the swimmers are lazy?

What if my doctor was wrong and I'm not the "baby making machine" he praised?

What if I have a diminished reserve?

What if we get a BFP and it's multiples?

What about multiples?

Oh my gosh there could be multiples...


What if we can't get any swimmers at all??

I don't like to think those words.  We have discussed this in depth and donor sperm is not an avenue we want to consider.  It's our guys or no go.  Even typing the words my mind races to the worst possible conclusion.  That's why it's a big benefit to have Daddy Bun.  He sits as a scale.  If I'm contemplating the bad, he can sense that spiral.  He can tip the scales for me when I lack the ability to do it myself.  He is a perfect compliment to my life.