Tuesday, November 10, 2015

My First HSG Experience

Today was the hysterosalpingogram...yea, go ahead and pronounce that and then you'll understand why everyone just shortens it to HSG. What the heck is an HSG?  Let's give it a Google!

A hysterosalpingogram or HSG is an x-ray procedure used to see whether the fallopian tubes are open and if the inside of the uterus is normal. HSG is an outpatient procedure that usually takes less than 5 minutes to perform.

Let me tell you a little PRE-HSG advice...

1) There are tons of horror stories online, but don't let them alarm you! I've heard it's as painful as childbearing.  I never gave birth so I cannot speak to that, but if what I went through is the pain level of child bearing then I AM GOOD TO GO people!

2) You cannot do the BD/"baby dance" which is fertility code for sex prior to the HSG.  This is for two reasons.  First they want to ensure you are not pregnant and second they don't want you to get an infection.  Yes, you can get an infection if you BD prior to your HSG.  I really thought it was because they didn't want a bunch of swimmers out there interrupting everything but turns out you can't even see those suckers on the screen.  

3) TAKE TYLENOL an hour before you go!  I did not.  I should have.  I knew that information before hand and still forgot the Tylenol.  DON'T FORGET THE TYLENOL.  Take a maxi pad with you just in case you have spotting after the procedure.  Guess who forgot a pad?  THIS GIRL!

4) Finally, YES I have four hints for the HSG, make sure you can pee before the HSG.  They will want to give you a pregnancy test just to be sure they're not drowning a fertilized egg in iodine...make sure you can pee or you'll put the procedure on hold.  *I didn't have this problem, I had the opposite problem, I had to pee so bad when I got there I nearly stiff-armed the Receptionist.*

So those are my HINTS to get you to your HSG in one piece...BUT WAIT...THERE'S MORE!  

Now let's get to the GORY DETAILS!

Kidding people!  I'm just kidding! First off, Daddy Bun was not allowed to be present for the HSG so he was given the usual husband duty of holding my purse in the waiting room. "Here honey, hold this" I wonder how many times in a husband's life he will hear those words uttered and then be forced to sit with a lovely handbag, clutch, messenger bag or the like....  

I sullenly trudged off leaving Daddy Bun with clutch in hand.  To start, I was asked to remove all clothes from the waist down.  My first thought was I SPENT SO MUCH TIME PICKING THIS OUTFIT!!!  I was given a lovely paper sheet to cover my lady bits as thin as the toilet paper at Disney World.  The room was cold (of course) and not only that, in true Hunny Bunny fashion (I spill things, break things, trip on things) I tore the paper sheet.  I expected nothing less.

Into the famous stirrups I went, warming lamp comes on and makes me feel much better than the cold, shivering, goose bumpy woman with the torn sheet (a warming lamp is exactly what it sounds like, definitely takes the chill out of the lady parts).  And he reaches for my nemesis, the speculum.  I felt like it was the widest setting possible and wondered at that moment if I was capable of pushing a baby through there.  He then reaches for two cotton swabs doused in iodine to "clean my cervix".  Holy crap I thought, I have never cleaned my cervix, was it dirty?  Did it need this type of thing all along?  What does he see down there???  After cleaning my cervix he took a break to see how I was feeling...well it is certainly not the most comfortable feeling, have your insides wiped out by giant q-tips but I was ready to keep going.  

Next comes a very small catheter and contrast dye is slowly inserted through the catheter into my uterus.  This feels a lot like someone is squeezing my insides, it's not pain but it is definitely an awkward feeling and I won't be signing up for another one of those anytime soon!  As they dye fills up and flows down the tubes, the lab tech starts taking pictures of my uterus with an x-ray machine.  With all the good still inside, Dr. Mark has me roll to one side (ouch) and roll to the other side (ouch again) while they snap what I think is far too many photos.  At some point I'm wondering if I should throw up a peace sign just to see how it comes out on the x-ray photo.  By this time I am starting to be really uncomfortable and while it's still not PAIN it is really getting on my nerves.  At that moment, he removes the catheter and tells me to lie still and let it drain out.  WHAT?  Drain out you say?  Oh crap, really?  How awko is that?  I feel like I"m literally peeing my pants but I am not wearing pants.  Dr. Mark heads out to give me some privacy, besides who wants to hang out with a leaking woman..and I wait as instructed.  

This was GROSS.  I was given lots of wipes and wet wipes and (thankfully) a pad since I did forget mine.  After a few minutes I felt like I was as empty as possible and I got dressed and headed for Dr. Mark's office to get the results and discuss The Plan. 

And guess what, my tubes are OPEN and working great!  This is awesome news and Daddy Bun (who reunited me with my purse) and I are excited.  But with that comes the not so awesome news, which is I might have a polyp on my uterus.  The only way to tell is a hydrosonagram which is fancy for shooting water up your lady parts and looking at it on the ultrasound machine.  Once confirmed, it must be surgically removed before we can continue treatments.  That means no IUI, no IVF until there is no polyp.  CRAP, postponed again!  More information on that to come in a later blog.  

The worst part of the HSG was the ride home.  I was crampy and achy and without Tylenol (pay attention to my hints y'all).  Daddy Bun stopped at the store and I popped a couple Tylenol and then a couple more Tylenol.  That was 2:00pm...it's almost 6:00pm and I am still achy and crampy.  So HEED MY WORDS LADIES....take Tylenol or Ibuprofen before you get your HSG.

Don't forget your pad.  Don't forget there is no BD before the HSG and especially, make sure you shave your legs for this!!!

I shared this on Amateur Nester today for her Tuesday Linkup.  Lisa at Amateur Nester is the creater of 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility and 31 Days of Scripture During Infertility, which she JUST RELEASED!  31DofP has been my resource and devotional since I received it for a mere $4.29...that's right, ONLY $4.29!!  That is a STEAL for the information you receive in those daily devotionals!  A STEAL!  Head over to check out Lisa at Amateur Nester and read her journey.  She is anxiously waiting her daughter's arrival after YEARS of TTC. Just click the button below and BE PREPARED for the amazing experience that is Amateur Nester!