Monday, February 29, 2016

How is She So Positive?


I get a lot of comments on my InstaLife about my positivity and some people have asked me, Hunny Bunny, how do you stay so positive??!  I've been TTC for nine years now, I've never even seen a BFP on a pregnancy test and yet, here I am, still smiling and pushing through the mangled mess of infertility.  I bet it gets annoying to some people how much I shove the negative aside and keep pushing on.

Being positive is not easy y'all, but I have to recommend you always try to see the positive in the struggle.  I told someone the other day that happiness is a choice but it can be a difficult choice.  It is a choice to wake up in the morning and embrace the day, thankful to be alive and be able to even attempt to make a baby with science.  But it is just as easy to wake up and choose to focus on the fact I don't have a baby, that I'm not pregnant, that other people are living the exact life I want for myself and I DON'T HAVE IT.

The thing about me is this...I do get sad.  I do feel helpless.  I often feel lost and more often I feel ALONE.  Even though I KNOW I am not alone.  I have a supportive husband willing to invest in whatever it takes to get me pregnant.  I have a supportive boss who doesn't mind the weekly trips on the road to FertilityCARE which is a three hour round trip.  I have supportive friends who know what I'm going through and are willing to talk about it openly.  All of those things help me remain positive through the process, even if it results in a negative at the end of a cycle.  A negative is not a NO, it's a NOT YET.

I choose to believe that we will get pregnant.  

I choose to believe that there are worse things that could happen to me. 

I choose to believe that, above all else, God will see me through this journey and when I come out the other side, I will be changed. 
I'll be stronger. 
I'll be wiser. 
I'll be able to help other people on this road. 

When I'm feeling lost and alone and negative, I have a few tried and true methods to help get me back on track.  Check them out, perhaps they can help you too!


HUGS

I try to keep close to my hubby and I ask for lots of hugs.  They can't be quick and release hugs.  They must be at least 20 seconds and here is why...those hugs, the long, lingering I don't want you to let me go hugs release oxytocin into your body.  This combats depression and feeling alone and helpless.  A hug is like medicine and it's the best kind because it's FREE and it's easy to give and receive.  When you hug your spouse or partner, they are also releasing oxytocin.  This brings them closer to you as well.  Sometimes a hug will be just what you need to feel better.  Sometimes I hang on for too long, but my hubby doesn't mind.

DEVOTIONALS

I've been lucky enough to come across some wonderful women while TTC and some great groups of women who share their love for Christ which is just what I need in my life!  I am a part of She Reads Truth, which is an online community of women studying the Bible together...like a GIANT online Bible Study.  I get to read the Bible daily, follow along with a devotional each day, and comment and read other comments about the study.  This is available on She Reads Truth.  For $24 you can join their auto-ship and they will come right to your door each time a new devotional is released.  You can follow along online or on the SRT app on your phone.  It's helped me on my walk with God.  I canceled my monthly makeup subscription box for this service.  I have some friends struggling with infertility as well who are real warriors.  Their faith inspires me.  I like to follow them on Instagram and use their posts as a jumping point for my own faith.  One of my favorite bloggers is Caroline at In-Due-Time (http://in-due-time.com/) You see, Caroline and her husband Colby are struggling with infertility too, and she uses this struggle to strengthen her marriage and her relationship with God.  I'm often awestruck at the timeliness of her posts and the way I'm feeling in my life.  It's like God has sent me a gift in her blog.  I encourage you to check out her blog and SUBSCRIBE so her posts come right to your inbox.  You will not be disappointed!  It's people like Caroline who keep me positive in the struggle.  People who encourage me, who lift me up, who are able to see the joy in the struggle, people who have taught me that there is a reason and a purpose for this journey.

DANCE

I also like to dance it out, it's something I learned from Grey's Anatomy.  I have several songs that I use to dance it out but my all time favorite is "I will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor.  That is because I will survive.  I've fallen apart, but I survived...and that is the beauty of this song.  On this road, you WILL survive.  I suggest perusing your digital music and creating a Dance it Out playlist.  You can also search this on the internet and you'll be bombarded by a plethora of musical choices and genres...or you can use my own list to get you going!

My Dance It Out Playlist:

I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

Because I'm Awesome - The Dollyrots

I'm Letting Go - Francesca Battistelli

What You Waiting For - Gwen Stefani

Little Red Wagon - Miranda Lambert

Keeps Gettin' Better - Christina Aguilera

Grace Kelly - Mika

Brave - Sara Bareilles

Pick one, pick two, pick them all, and DANCE IT OUT.  Can't dance?  Me neither!  But it doesn't matter.  In fact, sometimes I dance it out in front of a mirror and amuse myself!  The point is to focus on the worlds, the beat, the music, as as you do...it drowns those negative thoughts right out of your mind.

GET OUT

Another tip I recommend is taking some quality time away from home.  Some of my darkest days were spent moping at home so I will get out and get away from the house.  I have been known to drive a few miles down the road and ride horses for an hour.  I like to grab lunch with my hubby and just hold his hands across the table.  I will call my girlfriends and go to a movie.  I go to the bookstore and check out the Best Sellers.  I'm lucky to live in a town with a lot of choices so these activities help me take the focus off the negative thoughts in my head.

I have found that if I read it out, hug it out, dance it out, or just get out that I can reclaim my positive thoughts and I feel BETTER.  Better about life and better about this battle with infertility.  Give them a try!

Do you have some ways to maintain your positive self?  Share them below in the comments!


2 comments:

  1. Love this list! You're 100% correct. It is a choice to be happy and to take control over your own happiness. Thanks for passing along the wisdom!

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  2. Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes and YES! ha. Isn't it so much better to make the most of your trials and seek HOPE and LIFE!? So thankful for you and your constantly positive attitude. It makes such a difference to me and I know it's noticed by the community too. So glad you are believing for miracle and I love that you choose to dance. So much fun dancing with Jesus in the storms.

    Thanks for the shout out friend. It means SO much. Honored that you choose to read my blog. xoxo

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